Can a girl from India who had multiple boyfriends in the past be a reliable wife? Source Quora

I have taken some time and read through all the answers to this question. I am going to assume that by boyfriends the question means people who the girl has had a relation with, including sex which is pretty much the norm in all boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in India now. I am only going to answer specifically from the point of view of India and Indian culture.

Most of the answers seem to equate a girl who had multiple sexual relationships with a guy having multiple sexual relationship with. This is not correct for a variety of reasons.

1. Firstly, a guy who wants to get laid in India needs to be many things, a rich boy, a handsome boy and mostly a bad boy who is well known to have slept around. Girls actively compete for guys like that in colleges, at work and in most social settings. For a girl to sleep around, all that is required is for her to spread her legs, its easy, its very easy.
2. Secondly, giving away a girl by the father according to Hindu customs called “Kanyadaan” is supposed to be the holiest of acts which a man can do. “Kanya” specifically means a girl who is a virgin. If a girl is not a virgin, then the father is giving away a girl who is a impure and there is no big holiness in the act, hence the emphasis of girls remaining a virgin in hindu society until marriage.
3. Also, there is a direct co-relation between female promiscuity and depression. There is no co-relation what so ever with male promiscuity and depression. This basically means that women who slept around are generally unhappy throughout their lives and who will pick up the tab for their depression - their husband both emotionally and monetarily.

Now in many of the answers, I can see sentences like “culture crap” and “society crap”. Well, isn’t the institution of marriage a social and cultural bond? If you are taking your culture and social norms so lightly then why would you take the institution of marriage seriously? Marriage is more than a contract to wish away 50% percentage of the guys money, it is also a social and religious institution. If you subtract the social and religious part, then marriage is reduced to the writing away the 50% wealth part; would you write a contract with someone to give away the rights to half your wealth? My advise is stay away from women who think that society and religious stuff is crap, mental illness usually lurk underneath the surface.

Anyway, continuing.

The data indicates that the number of guys having girlfriends in Indian society is pretty much in the 2% mark. But when you start meeting girls for marriage you can find many of them having serious relationships before. How can that be unless the same guys are playing the field while you were busy studying hard to get into good universities and working hard to make a career so that you can support your family. This is because of the woman’s preference for the guys at the absolute top of the social dominance chain, a phenomenon called hypergamy[1] [2] . Since, a guy can choose only one wife, many woman lose the race for the alpha male and have to consequently settle for you, the provider, the one who is stable, the not promiscuous, the Beta.[3] I am personally aware (as a part of my professional practice) of cases where newly wed girls, who had sphincter clenching orgasms with their boyfriends, have trouble reaching orgasm with their husbands. The girls have made life hell for their new partners and the partners (husbands) have no clue on what is going on. Please remember female orgasm has a direct correlation to your attractiveness as perceived by your partner [4] - this cannot be manufactured or fixed by a psychologist. If your partner (wife) does not enjoy sex with you, enough to climax, then she most likely will, as any female, seek out one of her past more compatible sexual partners or even acquire a new partner - only her reverence or consideration for socio-cultural norms may prevent this from happening. This also means, girls who think that religion, social and cultural norms are bullshit is most likely a sl*t.

Most of these guys are not respected by their wives who just chose them because she couldn’t get any better. Who settled for them due to the pressure of the ticking biological clock and their need for a provider of resources to support them, someone who can support their lifestyle. If your wife doesn’t respect you, this is the reason, you do not mark up against the alphas she has had in the past.

Next, Illicit sex is very exciting. Breaking the chains of the society and culture. Snucking into hotels together to have a romp, making sex videos of you and your boyfriend having fun are all very exciting acts. Once you get used to it, its very difficult to get rid of the habit. Married life on the other hand is very boring, filled with responsibilities, chores and disagreements. Which one would you rather have? Wouldn’t she want to relive the fun part at least sometimes? Who will stop her, you?

Going on, the legal system in India is totally biased in favour of women. In your twenties, as a guy, you do not have anything. You are a product of an investment which you (by working hard to educate yourselves) and your parents (by investing time and money). For a woman, in her 20s, she has everything, she is young, fertile, attractive and can have anyone she pleases. You get married and as time progresses, you will grow in your career, your value will increase. For a girl, she hits the wall and will be pretty ugly in her mid thirty's, even sooner in Indian society. If your wife is a woman who cheats on you, she can pretty much have the cake and eat it too. She can sleep around while taking a sizable cut from hard earned wealth, this is absolutely no recourse for this loot. Be careful. Women do this and they can do this without batting an eyelid - spend 10 days at the family court in any major Indian city and you can see men getting legally castrated. Remember, the moment your marriage gets registered 50% of your hard earned wealth belongs to your wife, this is true even if she is a used up s**t - the law makes no distinction.

Lastly, in India, most girls who have slept around has got an HPV infection [5](this is what a doctor friend who works with me tells me) which means she can give you throat cancer if you go down on her. This is probably because the boys they slept with were typical bad boys who have visited sex workers and picked up these diseases from them. Do not touch such a girl unless she agrees and gets a full blood work done. Don’t play with your life. Most of these girls are passive carriers of herpes and HPV. Remember, herpes can be transferred even if you wear a condom. Marriage is pretty much out of question for such girls. Please prioritize your health over everything else.

Summarizing, why would you want to marry a girl with a past? Most Indian girls today marry around 26–32 years of age mark. In few years she will hit the wall. The person who will be left for you would be a woman who doesn’t respect you, who is not only ugly, but bitter for having settled for you as against her many enjoyable, ecstatic and thrilling past boyfriends. You should be thankful if she doesn’t give you an STD. Is it worth the risk, you make the decision.

Update1:

Some would ask, what is the evidence of all this.

1. Girls turning up in the hospital due to failed attempts to abort using the morning after pill and side effects. Apparently, that is when they discover that the morning after pill is not for routine use.
2. Girls turning up in the hospital for abortion and STD checkup. They suspect their current boyfriend has STD usually when they see boils on the penis during a oral sex session. For girls who are infected with herpes, they want to know if their future husband will know if they have or ever had herpes (remember this is not curable and the girl will most likely infect her husband - this has happened!).
3. There is also a huge number of girls who turn up at the hospital with very high anxiety wanting to know if their future husbands will notice they are loose down there (boyfriend was much bigger than the husband) or if the husband will notice they are not a virgin.
4. There are many genetically inherited conditions that are brought to the hospital which is neither paternally nor maternally inherited. It would be game changer if there is mandatory DNA tests after birth to confirm the identity of the father. I am almost bet my paycheck that the number of people who are wrong about their parentage in this country is as high as the people in western countries. This basically means that the woman playing the field has not stopped after she got married.

Update 2:

I received a message where a guy was rejected by the girls family because after knowing the girls sexual history he wanted to have complete blood work done based my advice.

I really admire the guy, after knowing that the girl had a pretty elaborate (4 years in two sexual relationships) sexual past he still wanted to go ahead with the marriage so long as the girl is disease free - irrespective of what they say on Quora not many guys will do that.

(Addressing the guy) I assure you, it was absolutely the right decision to demand a full blood work and also to keep the girls family permission to get this done. If the girls parents (and relatives) had no issue with girl sleeping around why do they have a problem with you, the person who will marry her, ensuring that the girl is disease free?

The reaction of the girls relative is nothing new. I know of cases where after hearing this requirement, the girl accused the guy of implying that she is a prostitute and created a scene. I know of a case where the girls relatives wanted to beat the guy up for asking for a blood test. Please keep in mind do not fall for this all bullying by the girls family - STDs are life threatening and will kill you.

The girls in this country are like “I am a strong independent woman who made a decision of sleeping with many guys before I met you - but you should forget all that, respect me and treat me like a virgin until our first night?”

Sexual disease is not a small matter. Many infections stay with you for life, there is no cure for many and the treatment is not curative - you are called as symptom free if you don’t have any symptoms. You have not seen a person die of failed liver - I have and it is a fairly sorry sight. Be safe and healthy.

Answered by Suresh Raja

Student and practitioner of Psychology and keen observer of Indian Culure