But you and your spouse can use this time to build a strong foundation for your marriage. A strong foundation will help you adjust to married life, and transition into life as a married couple and set you up for a happier and healthier marriage.
If you want a marriage book that will help you build a strong foundation for your marriage, get this newlyweds book today.
14 Essential marriage tips for newly married couples
Below are the 14 tips for adjusting to married life.
1. Money
What’s mine is yours, and what’s yours is mine after we tie the knot right? Well, that’s how it should be anyways, especially with money!
Having the same checking and savings accounts works for many couples. Learning to agree on finances, starting a simple family budget and getting on the same page about your finances is a MUST.
This can be a BIG adjustment for many couples. For us, ongoing frequent communication was key.
You each have a say in your money. It’s both of your money even if there’s only one income.
A great book to read for this is The Total Money Makeover
. This book helped us develop a plan that worked for us and maybe it can help you too.
2. Communication
We all communicate differently. We know this, we hear about it all the time, right?
Being married and experiencing this is entirely different. So many of our arguments that first year of marriage was due to us misunderstanding each other.
Even if you use the same word, the definition of that word may be different from your spouse.
Click here to learn how to communicate with your spouse.
3. Selfishness to selflessness
I never realized how selfish I was until I got married.
You have to go from thinking about just yourself, what you want to eat for dinner and how you want to live your life, to what do we want for dinner, how do we want to live our life as well as what I want to do. Learning to balance my individual needs and desires with Marcus’s was an adjustment to me. – Ashley
Putting each other’s needs before your wants while keeping the balance so you are not a rug to be stepped on, or taken advantage of can be difficult for many to master. This is a big part of not only surviving the first year of marriage but also having a happy and healthy marriage.
If you both put each other’s needs first, it will be a win-win :). Learn how to become selfless.
4. Unity
You are on the same team. You’re both winners or both losers.
Always remember, to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and believe they have your best interest in mind. **Unless there is abuse.**
In addition, if changing your name after marriage is part of your plans, do it right away.
5. Learning how to “fight fair”
In our first year of marriage, we had a lot of adjusting to do in learning how to disagree in a healthy way because we both came from different families who had different ways of doing things.
Learning how to disagree respectfully as mature adults can be a learning curve for many. It was for us!
6. Honesty
Be honest about your marriage expectations, discuss, and compromise with each other.
There is no place for little white lies in marriage.
7. Boundaries with in-laws, family, and friends
Sett boundaries of what’s acceptable to share about your relationship with your friends, in-laws, and family members.
When they can visit, and how much time you spend with them is crucial.
No one loves your spouse like you do! If your spouse does something and it pisses you off, don’t vent to your family member(s) who won’t be able to forget and forgive as easily as you.
From our experience, most problems that come up in marriage arguments are usually a misunderstanding or communication issue anyways (excluding any form of abuse or infidelity).
Setting these boundaries in the first year of marriage helps in building a strong foundation for your marriage. In addition, setting boundaries in your marriage is equally important to maintaining your individuality and avoiding manipulation.
Check out Boundaries in Marriage
by Dr. Henry Cloud for some great insights.
8. Romance
You have to communicate to each other what you need to feel romanced and loved, your spouse can’t read your mind.
Compliment each other. Continually pursue your spouse. Make time to connect every single day.
Don’t forget to really talk about things you enjoy, do things together and enjoy each other’s company.
Marriage is spending your days and growing together with your best friend, lover, and partner in life; so enjoy them!
Read the 5 Love Languages
.
9. Personalities
You are two unique individuals with two unique backgrounds, therefore adjusting to marriage will require some effort from both of you.
You will have to learn to compromise with each other to ensure the success of your marriage.
10. Meals
Making dinner, lunch or breakfast was an adjustment for us; we are from two different countries. Because you and your spouse are from two different families you will have some adjusting to do.
We had to find things we liked from each other’s meals, tried to mesh them together, and experimented with new recipes until we came up with meals we both enjoyed.
We love different foods from all over the world and try to make our own versions at home.
Healthy food was an adjustment, we are always striving to eat healthier, one of us knew more about the quality of canned vs frozen vs fresh vs organic.
You are what you eat so this should be a topic of discussion in your first year before the arguments over meals begin.
Use this weekly meal planner to make your planning easier and faster.
11. Life challenges and unexpected events
We had a lot thrown at us in our first year of marriage. It really put our commitment to the test.
We learned to stick together and cling to each other when the storms came. We always planned ahead, especially with our finances.
Being there to lean on, and leaning on your spouse when you need to, that’s one of the best things about marriage.
You have a best friend whom you can rely on.
They are strong where you are weak, and you’re strong where they are weak. Be available for your spouse.
12. Time
Spend time together sharing your experiences about adjusting to each other as a married couple.
Remember quality over quantity. Your marriage needs to be nurtured so it can grow.
Time with your spouse should be a priority, so schedule time to talk and connect. Share your dreams and what you are learning every day with each other.
Check out this list of 69 thought-provoking questions for couples to use as conversation starters.
13. Patience
Marriage adjustments take time, so be patient with each other.
Remember the golden rule here and treat your spouse the way you want them to treat you.
14. Words
After you said “I do,” you are now a wife, a husband, or a partner. Lift up your spouse with words of respect and love.
Words can have a huge impact, so choose them wisely. Also, choose some forbidden words for your marriage.
The adjustments you go through are because:
⇒ You are a newly married couple.
⇒ You are two unique individuals with different personalities.
⇒ You have your own way of doing things.
⇒ You have different family upbringing, beliefs, and traditions.
Adjusting to marriage is a learning and growing experience
As a newlywed, you can use this learning opportunity to understand and learn more about your spouse.
Even if you have lived together before getting married, there will always be some adjustments after you get married. Certain things that didn’t bother you, in the beginning, will start to wear on you.
Adjusting to marriage is something you should look forward to during the first year of your marriage.
Furthermore, you must be ready for change because marriage is completely different from dating.
Yes, change, the word some people do not like to hear
And even worse, some people don’t think they have to go through it. But to excel at anything in life and marriage, you must be open to change!
Within the first year of adjusting to married life, you could easily become overwhelmed and confused about everything going on between you and your spouse.
It feels as if the marriage expectations you had prior to your marriage is completely opposite to what you are experiencing.
These expectations of marriage you have can make adjusting to married life very difficult for you.
Sometimes you might even wonder or doubt if you married the right person
Be calm.
This is normal.
And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations.
We had to respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today.
As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.
Before getting married, you are used to having your own space, your own car, your own money, making decisions on your own, etc.
He folds his clothes one way, she does a different way.
He organizes one way, she does another, or maybe one of you doesn’t organize at all!
Once you get married, you add another person (your spouse) to the mix.
And marriage adjustments must be made to create a happy, lasting, and healthy marriage.
Finding a way to mesh your differences together and compromising is where the learning curve begins.
You both become ONE.
» Your bedroom becomes our bedroom.
» Your closet, our closet.
» Your bathroom, our bathroom.
» Your money, our money.
» Your decisions, our decisions.
Use these marriage adjustments to start growing together, and building a strong foundation in the first year of your marriage.
In the first year of our marriage, adjusting to married life was not easy
We had to make some marriage adjustments, settling into the marriage rhythm, and learn as we confronted our challenges in marriage.
Being on the same page, having our family theme, marriage goals, and understanding why we got married kept us going.
In addition, we read marriage books for couples. It’s one of the things we highly recommend for newlyweds.
Learn how to handle the adjustments you go through
If marriage adjustments in that first year of marriage are not handled well, it is counter-productive in setting up a stable marriage foundation.
After interviewing over 30 married couples, we have observed they all experienced some form of marriage adjustments during their first year of marriage.
Therefore, you and your spouse will have to learn how to synergize your differences to enjoy married life together.
With divorce rates so high, you want to do everything you can to ensure a successful, healthy, and happy marriage.
Adjusting to married life is a challenge; enjoy, learn, and grow from it!
Your turn:
If you are married, how did you adjust to married life in your first year?
If you are considering getting married someday, what concerns or issues do you have about adjusting to marriage?
