I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now!
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink
like their father.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the
bathroom and renamed it the gym. I feel so much better saying I went to the gym
this morning
I don't need anger management. I need people to
stop irritating me!
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a
punishment... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation!
The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't
need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have grey hair. I have "wisdom
highlights". I'm just very wise.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter
than please. I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes".
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my spouse
took it!
Of course I talk to myself.. as sometimes I need
expert advice..
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