The emotional paradox all time, one-night stands can either leave with you a great memory or a bitter taste in your mouth, depending on how it's handled and treated by both the parties.
With innumerable websites and online portals scaringly designed solely for this purpose -- and this purpose alone -- it is of little wonder that the traffic on it increases by the day.
After all who doesn't want a quick fix to their problems, if venting out primal needs is the answer to it?
Personally sex without a strong commitment is not the glass of juice I can handle.
To me it seems like holding a cluster of thorns without a rose or steering a boat without oars, maybe because I'm hardly the kind of person who would throw my peace of mind away for a night of romp, but hey that's just me. I'm a bit prudish and outdated!
But that doesn't mean I don't have an understanding of the same, for if I sit down and look at it objectively, I think a one-night stand could be a perfect example of embracing honesty, acceptance and enjoyment all in one night.
In the West, it is still as rampant as online hook ups.
Liquor dens that promote free shots, happy hours and two for one deals are the biggest sanctuaries of one-night pick ups, some of them even having regular cads as their customers including singletons and sadly, a few left hand gold ring bearers too.
Enough being said, here are some of the tips I have sniffed out that may bring together an overall feel good feeling during and after a one-night stand:
- Be truthful
So as a responsible adult, you have already decided that you are embarking upon a night filled with meaningless sex.
If you haven't, then you are not shut to the prospect of it.
Firstly, you need to be honest with yourself: that this is exactly what you want and need at this point of your life and in no way it can be a solution to your sagging love life.
That in all probability whoever you chose is not going to be your forever prince or damsel.
Once you establish that, then half the battle is won.
Now go on and be frank about it with your play partner and establish that you both are on the same page.
Of course, there are few instances where casual can turn serious, but that would be the exception not the rule.
So play fair and square!
- Be safe
No matter how many vodkas down or tequilas in your belly, it does not make you immune to the sort of things going around.
You are allowed to be smashed, but not passed out that you can't remember a thing the morning after.
So much so that an unwanted pregnancy can be the least of your worries.
So stop at a chemist and pick up a pack of ribbed, flavoured or whatever rubber tickles your fancy before performance hour.
Guys, this is your responsibility to come prepared! Ladies insist -- no umbrella, no rain dance!
Neither of you deserve the after pain with the pleasure.
- Play on comfortable ground
This one is a mixed bag.
Though women in general feel his place is better to act dirty, logic tells me that home ground could possibly be safer for a woman.
At least ladies, you know where your knives or keys are kept if things get ugly.
You also know your neighbourhood if caught in a crisis.
Being at the bloke's place may not only get you caught with dirty socks on his pillow, but sexual kinks under his bed. Read : whips, chains and cuffs.
Of course, if you are into S&M then great, but if you are not into that kind of space, then there is nothing worse than going to his place and finding out that you have no escape route or choice in what you find acceptable or not.
So ladies, keep the right to choose the venue and tempo only yours.
Sorry guys you have to just deal with this one.
- Be cool
Of course, I can't be all feminist and so men...here is one for your home team!
Ladies if you have decided to go full monty then please delete the words regret, guilt and conscience from your dictionary.
No post night pep talk and no expectations of phone calls the next day.
No! You are not dating.
You are certainly not the only one in his life and chances are if you see him again he may not even recognise you.
Do not give him flak for it; consenting adults remember?
Guys, if she stalks you on Facebook then please don't block her out of courtesy, but you are not obliged to reply.
It's called a one-night stand for a reason women!
- Being human
Just because it is casual, it does not have to be a preview show to the tale of detachment and ugliness.
You can still talk to each other and communicate your feelings.
Understanding each others' needs in bed even if it's for an hour or two may leave you pleasantly surprised on how well it could be reciprocated.
Besides stating your innate and slightly raunchy desires to a stranger comes easier than a full-time lover perhaps, as there is little embarrassment or shame, for you may never see them again.
Guys if you say you will call the next day or soon, make sure soon it doesn't mean the year after that.
Women if he says he will call, don't bet on it . Move on!
If he does, then take your own call on further action.
You never know it may culminate into an interesting friendship somewhere down the line if both sides can keep it sane.
- Be adventurous
This is your time to shine.
Cautious is good, but you are not meeting their parents or impressing them for a potential marital prospect.
So lower your walls, explore unchartered territories and try out at least one fantasy that you may never have.
Neither of you are judging the other, so be fearless in spicing it up in the bedroom or the public bathroom wherever you seem to have found your make out hub.
Enjoy the ride, make it count.
- Add a little sparkle
If the one-night stand is planned or with a friend, then don't discount the candles, the flowers or some music to kick-start on the correct note.
Keep the warm bath on, the phones off and focus on pleasure. Live in the moment and let the moment reward itself.
It doesn't have to be romantic, but when you are 70, it would help to remember the experience as pleasant rather than something you rather forget.
A little magic can't hurt.
- Make it count
Statistics show that men don't care about high standards with whom they chose for a one night stand, but women do.They are more likely to say 'yes' to an attractive proposition than a less appealing one.
Having it with someone you have lusted after for years, an on-screen romance turning into an off-screen breeze or a single friend you can never marry, but want all the same, maybe some of your options.
Make sure it's with a hottie not a loser.
You have to give your grandchildren details when they turn young adults. And give them some interesting ones .
- Don't judge yourself
Stakes are low, no one is getting hurt intentionally, so don't beat yourself up for something you set out to do.
In fact, if you're going into it with an open mind, you may come out of it with an open heart too.
It's okay to use a one-night stand for an ego boost.
For your own and the other.
People love hearing things like 'you are my first fling or my last'.
It can also be a temporary but special satiated feeling like the one you have after eating a big pizza or a juicy burger...
Capture the now. Forget the then or will be !
- Be respectful
Leave the scene with your respect intact.
Don't crawl under the bed and scoot off.
If you are planning to, then at least write a sweet thank you note or text a grateful message when you get home.
Don't forget to use words like 'thank you for your time', 'thank you for making me feel good'.
Or at least 'you rocked last night'.
A Men's Journal, USA study recorded 80 per cent men felt good as compared to 54 per cent women after a casual escapade.
And if you are married and have been lying about it, then the morning after is not a good time to confess. There is no need to lay your guilt on a stranger.
Don't get out your video camera even if it's just to capture a memory. This will backfire someday.
Finally getting a person into your bed is not a feather in your social media cap. Let the private moment be private forever.
Follow the above rules, break a few and you will be just fine.
Source:Rediffmail.com
Kainaz Jussawalla is the author of the book Coffee Days, Champagne Nights And Other Secrets.
Lead image used for representational purposes only. Kind courtesy StarFlames/Pixabay.com
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