I went to the library to get a medical book to help me diagnose some abdominal pain.
But somebody had ripped the appendix out...6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down. My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas… "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” she replied. So I bought her nothing... My wife said to me that if I got her another stupid gift this Christmas, she would burn it… So I bought her a candle. What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! What’s the best present you can gift? A broken drum. Nobody can beat that. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair. I’ve heard nothing since. It’s a five minute walk from my house to the bar. It’s a 35 minute walk from the bar to my house.The difference is staggering.
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